MANHATTAN CHAMBER OF COMMERCE

Dear chamber of commerce of Manhattan,

I am from the mountains of west virgina, a "mountain papa" of sorts. Me and my 2 sons are coming to new york city for vacation...our first vacation ever. Could you please recommend somewhere fun to go on new years eve. I want to show my son what the big apple is all about.

Yours in God,

Joam Jeremy

RESPONSE:

Thank you for contacting the Manhattan Chamber of Commerce. For all tourism related questions please contact the following organization:

NYC & Company
810 Seventh Ave.
New York, NY 10019
212-484-1200 Phone
212-245-5943 FAX
General Inquires : info@nycvisit.com
Tourism-related inquires : nytourism@nycvisit.com
Website: nycgo.com

PAMPERS

Dear Pampers,

My name is Joam. I have twin toddlers who have used only pampers during their short time on earth. I cannot help to think that we are enabling America's youth to continue pooping in their pants vs. toilets. I once wore a diaper and not only was it uncomfortable and embarassing but it kept me from being a productive member of society. I propose the following; We communicate the benefits of toilet use to our youth from day one onwards and let THEM make an informed decision.

Thoughts?

Yours in God,

Joam Jeremy


RESPONSE

Thanks for contacting Pampers, Joam.

We appreciate your taking the time to write, and you can be sure I’m sharing your comments with the appropriate people in the company.

Thanks again for getting in touch with us.

Lori
Pampers Team

SCIENTOLOGY

Dear Volunteer Ministers of the Church of Scientology,

I am very interested in converting to your Church. Ever since I was young I have been in awe of Tom Cruise, John Travolta and Kirstie Alley for their scientological powers. I tried reading "Dianetics" but lost my focus...and now i've had it overdue from the library since 2007 and now owe over $100 for it. I need empowerment. Help me.


Yours in God,

Joam Jeremy

RESPONSE:

Dear Joam,

You should have bought the book for $20 bucks and saved a lot of money and then you could have kept it forever!

Check out this website: www.dianetics.org

And return the Dianetics book before you get charged more. Let me know if you want to get your own copy.

Best,
Veronica
Volunteer Ministers International

MAYOR of NYC

Dear Mayor Bloomberg,

I think I have solved the NYC budget crisis! Here are a few of my ideas;

1. Staten Island should seceed from NYC. This would save NYC millions and priceless embarassment.
2. Tax individuals per pound of their body weight.

Yours in God,

Dr. Joam Jeremy

MCDONALDS

McDonald's Permission To Use
Contact Information:
* Title Reverand
* First Name :JOAMLast Name : JEREMY
* Organization or Company: CHURCH OF HAPPY SMILES
* Phone Number :347 555 6555
* Email Address : joamjeremy212@gmail.com
Fax Number :

* Reason For Submission : Permission to use McDonald's trademarks for personal use, in business or at a local event Other

* What are the details of your request?

I WOULD LIKE TO START THE "CHURCH OF HAPPY SMILES" AND PREACH TO THE POOR AND UNDERSERVED THAT INSTEAD OF UTILIZING SOUP KITCHENS THAT THEY SHOULD INSTEAD BUY MCDONALD HAPPY MEALS. THIS BRINGS SMILES TO OUR YOUTH AND SMILES IS WHAT MCDONALDS AND GOD IS ABOUT

Request: (Please fill in all fields marked with * if applicable)
* How long will it be used? I WOULD LIKE A TRIAL RUN OF 1 YEAR AND 10 DAYS
*How will it be used? PREACHING PURPOSES
* What is the intended audience/distribution? POOR AND UNDERSEARVED
* Have you previously requested permission for this use? NO

X By checking this box, I acknowledge that I am at least 18 years of age and I have read and agree to McDonald's Unsolicited Idea Policy , Site Terms and Conditions, and Internet Privacy Policy.



AUTOMATED RESPONSE

McDonald's Permission To Use


Thank you for your request for permission to use. We are in the process of investigating your request. If we require additional information, you will be contacted by a McDonald's representative.

If you do not hear from McDonald's within 30 days, we unfortunately are unable to pursue your opportunity at this time.

Again, thank you for your interest in McDonald's.

Sapporo Grill (Louisville Kentucky)

Dear Sapporo Grill,

I am conducting a survey on sushi restaurants around the usa.

1. Do you employ Japanese sushi chefs?
2. Are there many Japanese people in Louisville Kentucky?

Yours in God,


Joam Jeremy

Regarding Bill Gates

Dear Microsoft Vistor's Center,

I would like to email Bill Gates. Where can I find his email address? I have made several attempts, however the addresses were fraudelent. I am an important man with important questions that need to be answered.

Yours in God,

Joam Jeremy


RESPONSE

Hello Joam,

My apologies but Mr. Gates schedule does not allow him to respond to email with general inquiries.
If you would like to email me your questions, I can try and send them off to the appropriate team and or department.
Thank you for your interest in Microsoft.

XXXXXXXX| Microsoft Visitor Center
(425) 703.6214 | mailto:mvc@microsoft.com
http://www.microsoft.com/visitorcenter

BILL GATES

Greetings Mr. Gates,

Is somebody working on an i phone application that will allow me to take underwater photographs? I tried to take some pictures underwater during my honeymoon in the Carribbean and my phone died. I believed in the power of the iphone and feel somewhat let down.

Yours in God,

Joam Jeremy


RESPONSE;

Fraud email address...grrrrr

SANTA!

http://www.christmassantaclaus.com/email

Dear Santa,

I am a lonely boy with lots of time on his hands. I want to live with you. If this is not possible, than perhaps you can just answer my questions;

1. Is rudolph still alive? If so, how come I have not seen Rudolph in any recent holiday movies?
2. Why was Rudolph born with a red nose? Is having a red nose considered a birth defect?

I would like an ipod, cure for AIDS and feline leukemia and a rifle for xmas.

Love in God,

Joam


SANTA's RESPONSE

#1, Rudolph Way
North Pole, Canada
HO HO HO


Brooklyn, New York
United States


Tuesday, December 15, 2009


Hello Joam!!

Thank you for sending me your email all the way from Brooklyn! I sure do love the Net because now I never feel lonely all the way up at the North Pole. An email from you, Joam, really makes my day!

Heres a picture of Santa just for you Joam!Well call me the King of Jing-a-Ling, Joam, I can't believe you're 8 years old already! You're getting to be quite a big girl! I'm really glad you still wrote me though because I'm sure some of your friends have said things about me. Of course, I'll bet they never got a magic letter like this directly from Santa Claus himself! (*wink*) I also hear you've been a good girl. (Of course, you won't mind if I do a little checking, will you? HO!! Ho!! ho!!).

Oh, oh. Santa's ears always perk up whenever someone says 'cure'. It's VERY IMPORTANT that you promise Santa that you'll talk to someone if something is upsetting you or someone you know. If you don't have anyone you can talk to then click here for the phone numbers of some great people who can help you or you can send an email to the Helper Elf.

By the way, Rudolph came running when I told him that you mentioned him in your email!

Joam, I'm also very glad that you mentioned God in your letter to me. After all, Jesus' birthday is a time for us all to be thankful that he was the best Christmas gift of all!

Let's see what you put in your letter for Christmas wishes: 1. cure for feline leukemia and aids; 2. ipod and; 3. toy rifle. May all your Christmas wishes come true!Well, I have something to tell you about that iPod and the other presents you asked for. The good news is that an elf is working hard on them right now! The bad news is that its our dear elf friend "Clumsy". We really do love Clumsy (he really does make good presents!) -- I just wish he'd be a little more, well, careful sometimes. (I know he's being extra careful with your presents). Anyway, if you don't get an iPod this year, I hope you won't be too upset with me. On the other hand, I guess you'll know who made you the other presents!?!

Oh yes, before I forget Joam, the elves really want you to visit my new blog! It is called Santa Claus' Christmas Blog. My blog is all about Christmas, life at the North Pole, and me, Santa Claus ! You can even write messages to me and see what others have written. I can hardly wait to see what you write!

Oh! oh! The Grinch is trying to steal some of Mrs. Claus' cookies! That Grinch sure is funny. He may not like Christmas, but he sure likes those cookies! Well, I better go stop him before he snitches them all. Take care Joam and don't forget to come back and visit me here at EmailSanta.com on Christmas Eve!! And remember... only 10 more sleeps until Christmas!!

BFF (Best Friends Forever :),
Santa Claus

Thank you Joam for thinking of me!P.S. The reindeer say "Thank You!" for the nice treats! I hope you don't mind, but I had a bit of carrot and celery too. After all, even Santa eats his veggies!

P.P.S. I've attached a special postmarked copy of your email below so you can print it off and show it to all your friends or put it on your fridge.

WALMART

Dear walmart,

I love your company. I would like you to build a superstore in my community. I live in Bennington Kansas, population 623. The nearest Walmart is almost 17 miles away. 17miles of gas to make my weekly trips to your superstore adds up quite a bit. I suspect if you build a store in my town that nearly every resident would spend money it.

I propose the following;

1. Build a store in Bennington
2. Provide a free shuttle to the Walmart in Salina for us older folks
3. If you build a store in Bennington then please employ me in your hardware dept. I am quite handy with a hammer.

Yours in God,

Joam Jeremy



RESPONSE:

Dear Joam,

We are delighted that you want to bring a Walmart store to your community. We are always searching for new places to open our stores, and appreciate it when informed, involved citizens like you let us know we are welcome.

It's because of people like you that Walmart works hard to save people money so they can live better. Because of your initiative, a copy of your message will be forwarded to our Real Estate Division for consideration.

Again, thank you for your request and we look forward to serving you in the future.

Sincerely,
Walmart Customer Car

INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF PANCAKES

Dear IHOP,

I recently dined at the Harlem NYC location for the first time. I was very excited to try pancakes from all parts of the world . Imagine my surprise when finding there was a lack of “international” varieties. The "International" seemed only to apply to the pancakes of white european regions origins.
There are other international destinations, such as Korea, which have delicious pancakes. With a little research and an open mind the House of Pancakes can truly be "International".

Yours in God,

Joam

RESPONSE


Dear Mr. Jeremy:

Thank you for taking the time to contact IHOP. I have forwarded your suggestion to the appropriate department.

Thank you again for contacting IHOP.

Sincerely,
XXXXX
Guest Services Representative
IHOP Restaurant Support Cente

WNYC-public radio

Dear WNYC,

I feel my voice is not being heard. I listen to WNYC on my solar powered radio high in the Catskills Mountains, near the town of Lexington. I have repeatedly called into the following shows: Brian Leher, Soterious Johnson and numerous other "men centered" shows, but because I have only a cell phone and it is difficult to charge due to the mountain elements, it dies every time. I am currently a member of WNYC. I give 25 cents a month, which adds up to three dollars yearly. Which, in turn means, I own part of WNYC. I propose the following:

1. WNYC sends me a cell phone
2.WNYC lets me guest host
3.WNYC provides me with a grant to further my research into solar powered cell phones.
4.WNYC refunds my membership pledge, so that I may call in on a pay phone

WNYC is providing a DISSERVICE to those who have chosen to live in the mountains, and are, therefore, not able to make FULL use of their membership and all of the benefits that they are entitled too. IF my project cannot be financed due to budget cuts, then I demand an official apology on the air (preferably during Soterious Johnson), and an action plan on how WNYC is going to better provide for their non-urban dwelling constituents. Thank you and I look forward to your quick response.

Yours in God,

Mr. Joam Jeremy

Metropolitan Transportation Authority

12/09/2009 03:36 PM

Dear Mr. Leopard,
I live in Queens. I am very concerned that the Q train does not run in Queens. This seems like an error, as the M train runs to Manhattan, and the B train runs to both Brooklyn and the Bronx.
I believe that this is very confusing for visitors to our city, who may mistakenly hop on the Q train trying to get to Queens and instead end up on 57th Street.
I would like you to consider changing the letter of the Q train to something less likely to cause problems. Perhaps, it could be called the U train.
Thank you and I look forward to your quick response.

Yours in God,
Joam Jeremy



RESPONSE from MTA

Dear Q Line:
Thank you for taking the time to write. Your comments are important to me and my team as we work together to improve your commute and meet the high standards you expect. Each letter or comment that we receive is treated like a ""Rider Report Card"" on our efforts. I want to assure you that your comments will be investigated, analyzed and changes will be made where possible. I will personally oversee implementation of changes that will make your ride safe and smooth. We welcome your comments, suggestions, concerns and compliments. Thank you for your continued input and support.

Sincerely,

Jim Leopard
B Line, Q Line and Franklin Avenue Shuttle General Manager